The Full Package: Jason Bateman
Contrary to popular belief, we queers aren't attracted just to gym bods and pretty faces. We're looking for it all -- intelligence, charm, heart, style, talent, accessibility and that unexplainable sumthin' sumthin' called the "X-factor" that makes our hearts go thump.
From the worlds of entertainment, art, sports, business, politics and other realms we've plucked the very few people who fit these criteria, and we present them to you through our weekly series "The Full Package."
Johnny Depp might have the in-your-face charisma, but Jason Bateman's got the effortless, good-guy magnetism. Matt Damon might have the megawatt smile, but Jason's got the irresistible, self-deprecating grin. Brad Pitt might make passionate statements about his belief in marriage equality, while Jason jokes unselfconsciously about how he can't help flirting with the gays. Steve Carell might be the unthreatening everyman you wouldn't mind introducing to your parents, and Matthew McCounaghey the gristly stud you'd want to meet at a cheap motel for a dirty, boozy romp, but Jason is the guy you fantasize about taking home at Thanksgiving so you two could sit side by side at the family table and then spend the long weekend bedded down together in your old room having the sex you used to only dream about.
If anyone possesses that indefinable quality we call the "X-Factor," Jason does. Somehow he manages to pull off an "aw shucks" attitude without seeming simple, display a sharp intelligence and wit without being cocky, exude a vaguely frat boy aura without being menacing and, at 40, radiate a boyish charm without compromising his maturity.
Indeed, the actor and director is the rarest of breeds: He's the guy who appeals to all of us, straight men, straight women, gay men and even lesbians -- perhaps the most-difficult-to-please audience out there when it comes to heterosexual male celebs.
From child star to teen heartthrob to seasoned actor.
I loved him as James on "Little House." He was so brave and sweet most of the time. Maybe sometimes he was weepy and whiny, but he managed not to get on our nerves. Melissa Gilbert could have taken lessons from him.
--Michael Weller, Detroit, Mich.
Does anybody still remember him as David Hogan when he brought home the condoms he'd bought for his first sexual experience, and his mom [played by Valerie Harper] accidentally got the bag? The way Jason played that scene was hilarious and masterful. He had great comic timing. I knew even then he was an actor with loads of talent.
--Greg Sile, Wash DC
Everybody in "Juno" was great -- Ellen Page deserved the Oscar nomination. I loved Alison Janney, and Jennifer Garner did a fine job. But Jason Bateman has gone pretty much unnoticed, and I'm mad about that. Bateman made his character's transformation believable. That wouldn't have happened if the role had fallen into a lesser actor's lap.
--Steve Meyer, Hayward, Calif.
Highly respected yet still outrageously underrated, Jason first stole our hearts as a dazed young orphan on "Little House on the Prairie." Years later he wove himself into our wistful teen fantasies as the hunky Hogan boy next door on the hit sitcom "The Hogan Family," in which, at 18, he displayed precocious behind-the-camera talent by directing three episodes.
He proved his magnetism and his knack for a more sophisticated brand of comedy as the only good seed in a family of damaged apples on the quirky sitcom "Arrested Development," and he wowed us in the Oscar-nominated "Juno" as a suburban husband whose superficial wit and likeability masked an immature, insecure soul.
What's next for our boy Bateman? "Couples Retreat," a comedy featuring an all-star cast including Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Malin Akerman, Kristin Davis, Kristen Bell and Faizon Love
Apparently, his "package" is more than full.
I didn't need "Vanity Fair" to tell me how impressive Jason Bateman's "package" is. I still remember that shot of him in "TV Guide" from back in the '80s when he was still on "The Hogan Family." He was wearing tight Levi's, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from his crotch.
--Michael Weller, Detroit, Mich.
Jason may never be able to live down the comments made by "Arrested Development" costar Will Arnett to "Vanity Fair" contributing editor George Wayne, in which Jason's endowment was the topic of conversation, but Jason takes all the joshing in stride. In his own conversation with Wayne he jokes back that his "lease came up on that penis" and, to put an end to the conversation, "I have since changed penises."
But the smartaleck-y Wayne doesn't seem at all ready to drop the subject. As he told us with signature flamboyance, "All one has to do is size up the fleshy, corn-fed features of Jason Bateman to know he's packin' a turgid, hefty bit of tumescence between eight and nine inches. GW has had the distinct pleasure of observing the 'queenious' way J. Bateman's 'richard' fills out a classic pair of Levi's.
But Jason might just be a true out and proud "fag stag".
I'm 100 percent lesbian, so no, there aren't a lot of guys out there I'm drawn to -- Brad Pitt, maybe, but that could just be attraction by association, because he's with Angelina. I love Jason Bateman, though. There's something respectful about him. He's not brash -- he's got a quiet confidence. Or maybe it's because he played Portia Di Rossi's brother on "Arrested Development"
-- Cyn Reyes, San Francisco, Calif.
Straight guys, even if they're fine with gay people, always seem to feel the need to assert their "straightness." I don't think that's true with Jason Bateman. I read his interview in "The Advocate," and he just seemed so secure and sincere in his views, and so comfortable in his own skin.
--Todd Hardy, Oakland, Calif.
In this day and age, there's a multitude of straight guy celebrities who've defended us, taken up our causes or simply claimed affection for us, but Jason might just be a true out and proud "fag stag." He's told "the Advocate": "I've got a great deal of respect for the gay community. I think that it shows in my friend circle, and I'm really proud to be accepted by them."
But that's as earnest as the easygoing Bateman gets when talking about his connection with the gays. In the same article he states, "I'm so flirtatious with gay men ... I just get my flirt on, and they're probably not enjoying my humor as much as I'm enjoying theirs -- maybe all those laughs are just come-ons and I'm getting hit on the whole time. But I do enjoy my time around homosexual men, to the point where people have thought I'm gay for years. I had to get myself a wife just to prove otherwise."
by Robert Ordona
(Images: Getty and Yahoo)
He just loves to flirt with gay men and enjoys his time around homosexual men to the point that people thought he was gay so he had to go out and get himself a wife to prove otherwise? Oh please, like that hasn't been done before....
Posted by: Jack | July 18, 2009 at 11:56 AM
My Best Straight Male Friend flirts with everyone & sometimes forces my Gay Self out to the Gay Bars with him. He is a REAL Cutie & quite festively fun & smiles a lot with them eyes.
Yes I wouldn't mind doing him & I did have a crush, but he is a much better friend.
A true friend is a true friend & there is nothing better then being with a nice guy.
My straight friends are much more nicer & cooler then my Gay "Associates", but I am not done making any friends from all walks of life.
Cool & nice men like Jason Bateman are rare but none the less a treasure to enjoy no matter how brief we make encounters with the like.
Get real, no one marries just to prove they are straight & anyone who is just well hung probably is probably a big dick as well if they have nothing else to offer.
And for those who only see that package are probably a Dick Head anyways & what good are you.
Posted by: splerk | July 18, 2009 at 04:24 PM
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Posted by: gidderguy | July 18, 2009 at 04:29 PM
Holy sausages of Sicily!! You folks should see "betterf" in his profile! He is nekked!
Posted by: gidderguy | July 18, 2009 at 04:31 PM
Gidder, give us the link!
I've had a crush on Mr. Bateman since "The Hogan Family." He is forever a feast for the eyes and soul.
Posted by: splashpont | July 18, 2009 at 08:28 PM